HELLOS!

i cant believe it. i just found my Diary, and no. not this one.
i meant my DIARY BOOK! my last entry was 4years back T.T

but it feels really good to be able to think back and remember stuffs.
and i thought of THIS diary, i feel so sad.

everything i wrote was only things i CAN let anyone and everyone know.
what about my TRUE feelings? and TRUE stuffs that happened but i dont want to let you guys know?
whats the point of a diary if your lying to yourself even?
why should i be afraid of letting my family know me?
and i censored some posts because once, my cousin msned me and asked,
thatsherworld.bs.com -> your blog?
i replied yes. and he said ok and left. i dont know why, but i suddenly panic-ed and quickly censored some posts. but now, i dont see the need for me to do that anymore. so what?
im not afraid anymore. im facing up to my feelings. these are my feelings. like it or hate it,
I DONT CARE.

and yes, im being very depressed and i think i'll become a emo-kid sooner or later.
and i mean those that cut themselves. oh god,

and my friends may not believe this, i may look happy and smily all the time on the outside,
but i really have some serious family problems. im a anti-social girl. i like silent times alone.
that is. only with family. when ever i try to talk and chat with them, there would definately be brushes and it would end up in a quarrel. i admit. i cant keep my temper well. thats why i would prefer to stay away. then wad happened? my family doesnt understand me and i feel, and thinks im being difficult. oh why is it so difficult to let them know what UNDERSTAND and AGREE with my thoughts? are all parents like this? yes i know they are only doing all these for our own good, but why cant they just let me have my say too? im no longer a kid, but yes. i am and WILL ALWAYS be a kid in your eyes. i dont deny that i like that feeling of someone caring for me. but over-protection and distrust in my your children is too purssurised for me. i've been suppressing my feelings all these years, i really want SOMEONE to know how i feel. someone to care and truely love me. if this goes on, i dont know how i can survive. please. i set up a blog in hopes of someone knowing how i feel. but whats the point? they cant see this anyway,

p/s im not a freak. im not an emo-kid yet.
pp/s jie, if u see this, mention my blog to pa ma cans? i really need them to know how i feel.
ppp/s pama, if u have already seen my blog before, i beg u. try to understand how i feel.

please.