And so, we ended our 3 years of Poly life in Thailand.

So many secrets were shared, some leaked unintentionally. (LOL)

It was such a spiritual trip that i felt all of the emotions well up inside me on the van back to Singapore. I cried badly. It was the type of sadness that one keyword could trigger a fountain of tears, even when i've cooled down for a bit.

I thought about many things. I thought about how life would be like, without this bunch of people. I guess it would quite lost and empty. (Otherwise, why the tears?)

And i also thought about what i did, and more importantly, what i didnt do.

Three years. Three years we lived with the rumors, the urges. But never once we budged. On my part, I slowly realised that i was not what he was looking for, hence i did not think a step further.

Well, obviously i wouldn't know what he was thinking of right?

So yeah, we lived like that for three years. The funny thing was, even with all the rumors, the 'suspicious' looks, we were never awkward. It was always comfortable. We were still best of friends. 

And suddenly, this trip revealed many things. I understood stuff. About myself, even.

Things i didnt even know i knew. And then, things i really didnt know about other people.

That was a randomly long chat. About topics that were supposed to be awkward, but we didnt feel awkward. It was amazing to me. New, even.

I liked that feeling. 

It was like knowing your best friend, even more. And yes, i definitely agree that girls are always the passive ones. I would never initiate anything. And it seems like he's the same.

Perhaps we could have been something, but because of such a reason, we never did. And it might be a regret in years to come.

Well, we'll just have to wait and see, right?