I admit. I am in a better position. But i wonder, ever so desperately, if its a good thing.

Well obviously its a good thing for me. But im not so sure, because if im in a good position, doesnt that mean that others are in a not-so-good position?

If being happy requires that you sacrifice another person, i would rather not be happy. But then again, some things cannot be controlled by sheer will. 

情不自禁~

I really wanna look at the positive points of this all only, but its hard. When i am reminded of it again, darkness clouds my heart and mind. But when i forget it, at that period of time, i feel no guilt at all. But what hurts the most is the guilt that hits after that. Precisely because i forgot, the guilt hits harder, when it comes. 

But looking from another point again, i really anticipate and yearn, even for that day to come. (if it comes, that is. HAHA)

挣扎的心情好像永远不会散。 

I dont think that it is a bad thing that i did the stumble. (Though it was unintentional). At least i wont be in the dark anymore right? (Still cant forget how i can stupidly 'lie' to myself for so long lololololol.)

At least, at least i would know. Bits and pieces of it, and then in the end, i can finally piece the whole picture together.