I always answer with like 'See how', 'Maybe', 'I let you know again'. I never thought much about this. Until one day Sh told me in truth and dare that she didnt like this point about me. 

Her words started to make me think. Why do I always respond in such a way? I couldnt figure it out for days. Then, recently I started working. And the CEO of my company asked for a talk. (Standard throughout the company). 

He talked about something similar that sparked my thoughts again. He said "There is only do, or dont do. There is no try."

Then it hit me. Every single time I have such a response, I am avoiding the bond of a promise. 

By saying 'Yes', I am immediately signing an invisible contract of a promise, one where I cannot break, otherwise there will be consequences. Sure, i could just say 'No' and end the situation there. 

But I am neither yes, nor no. I am smack in the middle of the two. I do not have enough confidence that I can complete the task, so I dare not sign the promise. However, I do not think I have enough reason to say 'No'. 

The commitment is too much for me, and the feeling of avoidance is much easier to bear. But never have i thought that what i did was wrong. I cant live my whole life like this, avoiding situations i cannot handle. 

I have to face up to everything, everytime. I have to grow up, because these are things nobody can help me with. I must make decisions. On my own.

And whats more?

The promise of a lifetime is tied to an even bigger commitment. 

He said things I wouldnt even have imagined. Sincerity? I could feel bits and pieces of it. But everything is happening way too soon. Im not mentally prepared for this. But talking about future, its fun, its exciting. But would it be smooth?

I fear. I fear too many things to be honest. The very first would be how could be promise each other to be together for life, when there are so many obstacles. 

And no, im not avoiding this. To be honest, I am trying my best to solve it, step by step, slowly. Because this is something that I want. The path I choose. 

Maybe you would ask me, is it worth it? Planning so far ahead, promising such things when you've not even been together long? Well my answer would be: At least, for now, yes. I do think its worth it. 

If one day we do ever break up, and promises broken, things lost, I would not regret. Because at least I know that I tried enough for this. I did everything I wanted to, happily.

And actually, I'm quite confident about many things. Because he loves me, through all of my flaws and imperfections. To him, I am perfect. Even though its never true, he still says it to make me happy. 

He tries so hard. How could I not love him? To be honest, if we can go through these years together, I am confident that we can be together for the rest of our lives happily. I am excited, for those days to come. :)

And yes, I can promise about this with such a lighter heart right now. I do. 

I am willing to try, to work hard, to perfect my imperfections, to be a better person, for you.

Everything you do just makes me love you harder. Promises are so much easier to bear with you around. 

Thank you, and I love you.