On September 11th, 2013, my baby boy started his journey in being a man.

I cried buckets even before the enlistment. I just couldn't imagine my life without him. We spent almost every day together. We went anywhere together. We talked about everything. We argued about everything. I told him every aspect of my life. We did couple stuff together. Rings, letters, gifts.

He was embedded into my life. We talked about plans. Started putting our ideas together. We dreamed of going places. I would go to his place as and when i liked. Cause i knew there would be a very lovely boy waiting for me there.

But now.... the house still exists, his parents would probably still welcome me with open arms, but it just doesnt feel right. Its different.

His apple green room (my favourite color!), his warm blankey, his sweet scent, his silhouette in front of the mirror styling his hair, things that got so familiar to me, suddenly disappears.

I cant really get used to it just yet.

I still tear up with every single text he sends. I know sometimes he cant use his phone, but he takes the risk just to reassure my heart - which i really treasure and appreciate.

But i know i shouldnt be like this. I must re-learn independence, and live everyday like the day before. He's suffering inside, i know. So i should be twice as considerate. I have to take on the emotions of two people. Im not sure if i can handle it, but i know for sure that i will try. I will.

17 days to live without him. 2 days down, 15 to go. Still really long. But its what i have to accept right?

I miss this man. So fucking much.